Squeeze the Joy out of Every Day

2:55:00 PM Posted by T Laguda , No comments

When you live in Lagos, Nigeria – Africa the idea that the grass is greener on the other side moves from being a common phrase to almost reality.

Standard of living, health and access to social amenities make looking over the fence and seeing the color of the grass as more appealing.
Your present situation and life circumstance doesn’t have to be that bad and I do not believe it is that bad. The only control you have over your life and day starts when you wake up, decide from then on to make the best of every day and every moment.
Enjoy the simple things like lunch or an outing with the friends. Squeeze out joy from every moment and make every day count. We sometimes think we cannot find joy in the cheap, available plus the familiar and hope to find joy in the expensive, rare plus the different.
Do not let the sun go down without you having made sure that excitement and joy were part of your day.
Many things will mar your plans and annoy you, but you decided before you stepped out of the house to squeeze every possible juice of joy out of the day, so why not try to do that before the sun rises the next day.

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What is Self-Compassion?

5:13:00 AM Posted by T Laguda , No comments

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-Compassion has become my new approach to life.

I came to understand, I cannot do things right every time and when I let myself down, I should not be my own worse critic.

I always thought that was a healthy way of bouncing back. I accepted that giving yourself a good beating when you mess up was a sure way to keep yourself from making that mistake again.

Professor Kristin Neff, University of Texas (www.self-compassion.org) said: damming yourself because you fail, demotivates you and makes you more depressed as you tend to focus more on the damages you have done.

Which is true and weird enough you will not do the same to your friends.

No one dams his good friend for an error, but encourages them that the error made is forgivable and there is no reason to beat themselves up on it. We are compassionate enough to listen, direct them back to reality that their damage is not life threatening and there should learn from it. We become the water to dilute their pain.

When we make a mistake, or do things we regret we should show same form of compassion to ourselves. Instead of damming ourselves we should encourage ourselves. Instead of instilling fear of the damage done by our actions, we should be realistic that the damage is not life threatening, we can overcome it, move on and be happier in the future.

The next time you do or say something you wish you can turn back the hands of time and have a redo, remember these three points by Professor Neff:

  1. Self-kindness: Treat yourself the way you will a good friend who stumbled or made a mistake, be kind to yourself. You will not shout on a good friend or be rude to them when they come to you in tears, the same compassion you will show a friend, do it to yourself. 
  2. Common humanity: Understanding you are human. You are not perfect and you will make mistakes now learn from them and move on.
  3. Mindfulness: Understanding the problem and accepting you have one and make the necessary move to be better.

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Who is ME?

11:03:00 AM Posted by T Laguda , No comments

How you live your life and the amount of awareness of your person, there is no greater piece of advice than the one we say to each other, “be yourself.”

As children, we copy the things we see until the ages between one and three when a child becomes self-aware to know its own name. After that the journey towards complete self-awareness goes on until death.

Influences from the things we read, see and hear help form the complex being, “ME.”

Who is ME?

We can define ourselves as one of the below or all:

-          Happiness and fulfillment
-          Love/Relationships
-          Work/Success
-          Family
-          Acquisition

Whichever form you define yourself, from my view of life happiness and fulfillment trumps the others.

When you do not have fulfillment or happiness in your relationships, work, family and in what you own, the constant craving for more to fill the empty void will be endless.

Some say religion is the only way to have peace of mind, this is not true. Apart from religion, you can gain peace of mind in other ways. Discovering our element or our place in this world is the main reach of existence and another way to have peace of mind.

There is more to ME than a religious status, a relationship, work or material things.

There is a ME with potential, in ME is a seed that will grow to a tree to birth my element and in that I will flourish geared towards fulfillment.

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The Best Way To Live: Is As A Child

3:48:00 AM Posted by T Laguda , No comments

The best way to live, is living through the eyes of a child or to put it in a better way – the best way to view the world is viewing it through the lenses of a child.

Those lenses never lack imagination and always believe in the endless possibilities that are out there as they never stop to understand the place of limitation or put meaning to the word capability.
Those lenses lead to a heart open to new things and lessons, the heart is in search of new experiences and adventure. Then we grow up and shed those lenses and become proud. We take pride in our achievements, our status and abilities, accepting limitations and capabilities. Trying to live healthy and avoiding hazardous living should be a rule, but the rule should not be to the detriment of fun or having a good time.
We grow up and set rules, which as a child we knew rules make life boring, now we are free and are now adults with the ability to live without rules of when and where, but we place such rules on ourselves because we believe it to be part of culture.

  1. We do not outgrow the search for new experiences, but outgrow being open-minded to the different possibilities that are out there.
  2. I do not also believe we outgrow fun, instead we place a limit to the amount we need.
  3. We never forget to seek for adventure, we do so with a close mindset and our bedtime in focus.
  4. We do not stop taking risk, but focus too much on the returns outweighing the time and effort.
  5. As a child, we invest time and money towards a good time, as adults we want quick returns on investment and try to exploit people as much as we can.

We age and become close-minded, where we come to conclusions even about ourselves and fail to see how much we can become if we only live like the child we were twenty or thirty years ago.
Growing up does not have to mean no more fun, it should mean now there is no parental limitation to the amount of fun I can have.

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You Are Not As Significant As You Think

3:51:00 PM Posted by T Laguda , , No comments

We put too much weight on our significance when we are so insignificant. This pressure we place on ourselves make it hard to forgive ourselves when we make a mistake or make a bad judgement call. We can wallow and strain our minds on the best way we could have handled the problem and drop ourselves into sadness and depression because we put so much value on our actions and repercussions.

Feeling bad about a mistake is not wrong, but refusing to let go, punishing ourselves and wallowing in self-hate is.
It is humbling to accept the insignificant nature of oneself, accepting that means to agree that you are not as important as you think. Some of your actions have no lasting effect on the life of the ones you think matter including yours.

Let us start with your presence on this earth, looking at you from outside our universe. In this vast universe, there is a speck, in that speck exist a solar system, in that solar system exist a galaxy with billions of stars. In one of those stars is a planet, in that planet there are billions of creatures. One of those creatures are more than seven billion in uniqueness which you are one of them.

In summary, you are one of seven billion, of billions of billions of a speck in this universe which shows how insignificant we are. This is not to make you suicidal, lacklustre or complacent about life, but to change how you view yourself and the weight you think you carry.

Humility brings with it calm, a peace of mind that tomorrow is another chance to be a better you and that your actions today or your mistake(s) does not spell doom.

Make it a nice habit to withdraw for a moment each day to reflect on your presence in this universe, let the calm of humility and insignificance soothe you, as you start the next day with a focus. Say to yourself “I’m not doomed yet and if I make it into tomorrow I have another chance to be a better me or redeem myself.” Don’t worry if your actions to be better or to redeem yourself goes unnoticed, chances are they will.

Do not seek praise because you may never get it, but seek to be the best at what you do and don’t be too hard on yourself when you stumble along the way, practice self-compassion.